bismillah
i have been challenging my mind, to start exploring new things. to start dreaming n be confident that all things are possible in this life of mine, if Allah wills. hence the extensive research and googling activities (but somehow in the end banyaaak masa terbazir online je.. bukak website tu, bukak blog ni, bukak page tu.. etc2 )
i need to be out of my comfort zone, to be confident in myself, believe in myself that i am capable of doing anything that Allah decides on me after this. no more negative thinking, no more being jealous of others, no more hoping for something that u dont even have the power of.
"kakhuda, kalau orang sambung belajar oversea, nanti lama kt sana. kang xjumpa jodoh mcm mana?"
"janganlah limitkan diri sebab fikir benda tu je. siapa kata duduk kt malaysia confirm dapat jodoh? entah2 pergi sana baru jumpa.. time sekarang ni lah nak explore banyak benda, time sekarang ni lah nak buat apa yang kita nak buat.. nanti dah ada family, susah.." (lbey kurang macam tula kakhuda cakap)
i really, really NEED that kind of advice. siapa lagi yang aku nak minta pendapat? orang2 yang rapat disekeliling aku, ramai yang dah kahwin, busy, dapat cakap dengan kakhuda ni pun kebetulan sebab kakhuda tengah pantang dan abg hazim xde kt rumah.
rasa sangat tension, sangat sangat, you have no one to talk to, xtahu nak dapat support dari siapa, n u r a single lady trying to decide on your next phase of life, where literally no one even cares about what u r going to do next. they are just going to say "yes u can do it n u'll be fine" to each n every option that u have. faham x? xde siapa kesah aku tercampak ke mana2 pun. hidup aku sendiri2, xd tanggungjawab utama yang mengikat diri aku dari pergi kemana2, basically aku nak kerja johor, sarawak, german, bukak tadika, belajar account, semuanya xde org kesah. jadi rasa sgt tension disitu. bila kena reject dgn khazanah, nangis sebab sedar itu semua kuasa Allah, Allah dah kata bukan kt situ tempat kita. tapi itulah namanya u take charge of ur own life. itulah namanya, u dont have any limit n the world is up for u to discover, the world is literally waiting for u n its ur own will by ur own self that will give the colour of ur future.
i have so many dreams.. yet not all dreams came true. cuma aku pernah terbaca quote ni, xingat dari blog siapa.
"Adakah kita serik untuk bermimpi lagi kerana terlalu banyak mimpi-mimpi kita dikecewakan?"
yup indeed banyak mimpi2 aku dikecewakan.. n yes it does makes me afraid of dreaming again.. to just go with the flow.. bila baca buku sang pemimpi i felt very motivated, very inspired.. dan itu menyedarkan aku supaya tidak berfikiran 'lemau' sepanjang masa.
mak abah bukanlah jenis yang menghalang.. dan mereka sangat terbuka dan percaya utk aku buat keputusan sendiri.. sampai kadang2 macam "apa2lah yang awak suka" so basically mak abah x akan memberikan input atau pengaruh yang sangat kuat..
so that's it.. it's my own life after this.. the year 2012.. i need to be mature. need to take action. need to be willing to take responsibility for my decisions. i hope that Allah will ease my way, will guide me n put me among the pious people.. ya Allah jauhkanlah aku dari pemikiran2 yang negatif dan membazir masa.
-Khairiyah-
4 more days to the age of 23
No comments:
Post a Comment